Once again i feel pity of myself living in this kind of family. Why dont "he" just send me overseas? Why i have to suffer in this kind of surrounding? Sometimes i feel lonely? Sometimes i feel surrounded by lots of friends, well that's good. Sometimes when "he" opens your god damn mouth i don feel like i belong to this home? Why i feel that i'm an orphan that's been adopted just to be yelled at. Cant he change that effing tone? Cant he just talk to me softer without those commanding type request of favors? Polish the car! Count the money! Check the toilet! Lock the gate! Don't eat too much meat! Pick your sis! Pick your bro! Cant you do anything right!? I am tired I am annoyed he's gonna blow up my mind, he's gonna make me lose my temper. But, i cant cause i know my role i know what i should do what i shouldn't. I know i need him, for now. I'll live my life, my way. But then, again i'm thinking does he even noe my age? I'm f*cking 19 and almost 20 and he's still limiting me like a 16-year-old kid. Isn't it too late to boss me around controlling my actions now? And hack he don't even know i'm on holiday, UNIVERSITY type holiday i have to say. Pls la look at my brother and my sister. Why don't he go and shout at them just like he shouted at me for the past 10+ years when i was in pri and sec school. Everytime i talk bout this the image of my 1st slap in the face come out. I think thats the turning point of my life. Turning everything that i see in front of me upside down. I need a girl, I need more friends, I need love, I need blessing, I need stupport and the only thing i need is ignoring ignorance of this family. I need to concentrate on being someone else to be with the outside world. The me staying inside this very home is totally not capable not suitable and really do not cope with the outside world.
Its 1526 hours,
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